Just as I was leaving work today I got a call that really felt like a punch in the stomach. So continues my seesaw of mood swings these days, because I was actually in quite a good mood this morning. When I was cruising the net earlier today, somewhere between mid-morning e-mail and post coffee constitutional, I happened on a provoking article in the NYT. Had to do with what makes people successful. It uses as an example the Korean chef and restaurateur - the guy who does Momofuku. The point of the article is research examining what people do when they fail, in order so they can pick themselves up and succeed once again. How do they successfully reinvent themselves. The magic key, acording to the research, is to do what's call a double loop. When examining your failure you got to go deep, be relentless.
As I have posted earlier, I feel I am in a reinvention stage (see day x to hear the cycle) at the moment, so the context of the article was clearly relevant. But another aspect of it really got under my skin. How honest have I been in the past about my failures, and my successes, and what they really had to do with where I am now? I have always been afraid of failure and therefore afraid to ask certain questions or examine myself too closely. To some degree my resolution project is a step in the right direction and that has given so mojo boost, bt still . . .
For example, now that our team is struggling it is oh so convenient to put together a bunch of excuses and line em up in a row. It's the market, it’s the competition, it’s the economy, it's the internal politics, I travel too much and am losing focus, we have the wrong strategy, we don't have support . . . What is harder to say: I am lazy, arrogant, de-motivated, not focused, struggling with my own network, incapable because of languiage, not experienced enough or not slkilled enough. Al of these things are true on one level but can be denied almost as easily
So one idea that come to mind id how I can use the blog to really examine myself, aid my reinvention. In a sense that is consisted with original blog, no? |I could examine a flaw every month . . . hmmmmmmmm, where to start?
- nervous
- arrogant
- paranoid
- panicky
- unclear
- de-motivated
- lazy
- sloppy
- not skilled enough
- no experienced enough
- not specific and detailed enough - too high level
- lacking leadership
Having thought about the above during and after lunch, my out of the box moment for day could be put aside, and it was time to go on cruise control. Bad idea. During a project review with one of my former colleagues I have earned that the team in Czech has been put on notice. Like warren says - it’s all about the dough . . . and we ain't making it.
What am I gonna do? what will people say?! Will I have to sell my house?! . . . all this fantasizing about reinvention and becoming a Zumba instructor 0 I should looking for a job! Now!! And not only for me but, these guys who followed me on my journey and let me be there boss for the last 3 years. I have FAILED (almost) . . .
One of the most disheartening things is the question from colleague - "so is the journey over?) Depressing! Worst of all, I don’t have a good answer.
Silver linings, though, I am pretty sure nobody has any regrets, although we see what they say when heads start rolling . . . :(
No comments:
Post a Comment