Day 6 – Weighing in

I didn’t bother weighing myself on 1 Jan having woken up somewhere else. On 2 Jan was 97kg, by my scale, which really means 99 kilos or 218 pounds. My fighting weight is 185 – 190 so I should really be aiming to lose 33 pounds, yet my new year’s resolution goal is 22 – so I’ve got a buffer!

Having lost about 10 kilos last year have rediscovered the obvious – losing weight requires eating less and exercising more. Surprisingly, the eating has the biggest impact. Creating rules however has never been a successful way to achieve anything. One has to want to do it, by actually being compelled by one’s own inner forces. For me discipline has always been the opposite - sending me in a different direction then originally intended. So there has to be some non-negotiables, supplemented with compromises. Coffee – but no milk.  Three meals a day – but no snacking; alcohol whenever, where ever – but two weeks on the wagon every quarter, and drinking lots of water; avoid steak, lamb, shell fish and rich, fatty foods – except during holiday and vacation – whoohoo!

This holiday season was kicked off by picking up a bottle of my favorite scotch, The Balvenie, at the duty free in Borispal, Kiev’s international airport. After a traditional Christmas Eve with fish and cabbage soup (kapustnica), Christmas kicked it into high gear with pan fried Hungarian goose liver followed by roasted duck, with homemade Austrian knudle-style dumplings, washed down with a selection of South African wines. We opened up with Chenin Blanc, a light dry white wine. Then moved on to a light and fruity Pinot noir with a very clean finish. Next, a pair of full bodied Shiraz’s. The first, which I really liked, had an oakier pallet, with hints of cinnamon and forest berries. The second, was actually better, although similar, but with an overall rounder finish, with deep notes of cherry. We finished with a cabernet sauvignon and of course a healthy slug or two of the single malt.

This continued several days later with a beautiful aged Irish Angus filet. After some recent experimenting, I finally discovered the perfect way to prepare it. Sear it on the outside with a generous crust of fresh ground pepper and rock salt, caramelized with a thin soy sauce and olive oil glaze. Then leave under the broiler just long enough to ensure an evenly colored reddish pink juicy center. The trick is to cook it in one piece and then sliced at an angle ensuring the crust is just thick enough to complement the meat but not over power it. A similar selection of wine and whisky to go with, of course, followed by my sister’s famous New Orleans style bandy crème brule.

Because things were getting a bit too meaty we decided to finish the holidays with family friends and opted instead for seafood pasta. This particular dish I used to make a number of years ago in my parent’s kitchen but have not attempted it lately. The sauce is based from roasted red peppers which are blended with lemon juice, white pepper (gives it a kick), and just a bit of dill. Fresh Saint Jacobs scallops (big ones, about two inches wide and inch and a half thick) are broiled in garlic and oil gently under the flame for  couple of minutes a side, Tiger prawn are grilled in the oven as well (for the kids). Served over angel hair pasta and with a scallop and shrimp julienne according to individual taste.

Alas – the ol’ gout is kicking in. From here on out it’s sheep’s yogurt for breakfast, shitake mushroom with leeks and spinach for lunch, and fish for dinner every night. A least for a little while . . .

Day 5 - Freak outs (or The keys, The clock, and The apartment house)

My first freak out of the year was yesterday. Freak outs, for me personally, and for the whole family are simultaneously frightening, embarrassing, tragic, sad, tumultuous and cathartic. If this seems overly dramatic, I assure you, I exaggerate only slightly. I wouldn’t want to get too detailed on what happens when I actually have a freak out, I just couldn’t handle it. But I do have a kind of mental picture I can draw, which is both reasonably accurate, but not so pathetic as it really is. The picture is basically the three stooges on crystal meth. Except the three stooges are only one person, like they’re kind of fused together  - Larry, Curly and Mo – all just kind of buzzing around in their own special tizzy. Hopefully that paints a picture, or at the very least lends itself to the general direction of a freak out event in our house.

Freak outs are almost 100% brought on by misplacing a fairly basic, but essential item, typically house keys. It can also be eye glasses, a favorite tee-shirt or sock, a magazine article, the remote (goodness don’t we all know that one!), or a receipts for a bottle of wine I drank on my flight home which I’m contemplating whether or not to claim on my next expense report. In this particular case it was the company’s wireless adaptor and memory stick I needed to return to my local office before transferring to my new assignment. By returning these items I would successfully receive a signature on a special form called the “leavers checklist”. And subsequently, by completely the leaver’s checklist, would be entitled to receive the outstanding balance of salary, vacation and expenses. Which in turn are equally intertwined with household bills, holiday shopping, the new grill, and the recently considered spring vacation in a warm sunny destination. In one brief, but very swift moment a misplaced “computer accessory” became the equivalent a month and-a-half's salary being flushed down the toilet - then the circuits break and I blow a fuse.

It’s a regular pattern since my earliest days and I’m still trying to figure it out. The closet I’ve gotten is an Austrian hypnotist (not exactly, but that is the best way I can describe it for now) who has gotten me to anchor these feelings with a simple symbol – my house keys. When I have them, which is most of the time I feel calm. Because I almost always have them, I am in fact a calm person. But sometimes I don’t, and I feel otherwise. That otherwise in my case is ‘unacceptable’. If I can relieve my feelings of being ‘unacceptable’, and anchor my reality of being calm, something changes. This is where I am at the moment. I also have two other “emotional pairs” and corresponding symbols. These are feelings of bitterness vs. being secure, symbolized by “home” or a house; and feelings of being overwrought vs. being prepared and willing, symbolized by a clock. (reminder _ attach lost keys scene from another happy day)

Day 4 – On planning

I’ve always been big on planning. My wife, among others, thinks I’m too big on it. I’m guessing this reflects to some degree the approach du jour for many, in all walks of life, which is typically “JFDI” (just f***ing do it). I generally don’t subscribe to this. This is probably why I have a reputation for being academic and theoretical. Oh well.

About ten years ago I took Franklin Covey course, precipitated, I can only guess, by some pre-pubescent infatuation with planning. Really enjoyed that. After spending about 300 bucks on the course one finds it irresistible to spend another 500 on binders and fillers and little rulers and special calculators that fit in the non standard binders. What I learned from this is to always save the free annual diary some client or supplier gives you for Christmas every year. I Still have my leather bound FC planner, though. Looks great on the shelf and still houses all my  relatives’ phone numbers and addresses from wherever it was they lived 12 years ago.

But seriously folks, as my colleagues and former students know, I am a big fan of the Stephen Covey and the FC approach. From Stephen Covey – “begin with the end in mind”. This is all about the grand vision, which I suggest is somewhat underrated these days, given societies propensity towards the task-oriented end of the spectrum. And of course, “sharpen the saw”. After the vision one must execute, and is subsequently very tired, and must reenergize (think “Ibiza!”). This is my, and I suspect many of your, favorite habit . The other five, are about execution. Can’t remember them just now. Think I’ll look them up on-line at some point, and suggest you do the same!

Ben Franklin (The F in FC) also had some good ones. The one that clearly comes to mind is “a place for everything and everything in its place”. This is in fact the most clear and succinct explanation for one of the more trendy components of the still trendy Lean Manufacturing philosophy, called 5S (and to think companies are still paying consultants millions to give them such advice! Thank goodness!).

But I digress. Back to planning. Planning is often criticized because in hindsight nobody ever uses plans once they are made. And we all know, that if we bothered to look at them, they don’t look anything like what actually happened. I think this holds equally true in war, as in weddings and everything in between. Some of my favorite quotes on planning:

 “Plans are of little importance, but planning is essential” – Winston Churchill.

“In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless but planning indispensable” – Dwight Eisenhower.

“The 7 Ps - Piss poor planning produces piss poor performance” – from an old war movie.

My personal favorite, although not necessarily to the original point, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.”  - Mike Tyson.

And finally, one coined by yours truly, “let’s find out what good planning has to offer”. A couple of years ago, on a big family reunion to the US I tried to get very organized and plan all our families’ activities. I think this is how I phrased my initial plan to do some planning. I am often reminded of this by my sister (usually accompanied by hysterical laughter. (Although slightly mocking, she endorses the concept!)).

So one of the things I will need to do now, and throughout the year is better planning. At the moment I am very good at making lists and keeping them in as few places as possible. At times they are transferred to notebooks, xls spread sheets, word documents or MS outlook, but always end up back in the annual planning diary. I think a little Internet research on the topic may be in order. Will be back with more thoughts on what is best and perhaps a few tips and tricks.

Day 3 – Getting healthy

I will be 45 this May and my body has been letting me know it for several years. It’s a cliché - the aches and pains come, but they don’t always go away. I am a generally healthy guy, and thank god for that, but the fender benders and delayed oil changes are really piling up.

The diagnosis

My first big health scare came more than 16 years ago in Spring of 1996 when I was getting ready to come over to Eastern Europe after getting my MBA at NYU. I had to get a number of basic tests for the entry visa including things like a TB prick, a basic chest x-ray, and the dreaded AIDs test. I vividly remember the absolutely horrifying process of receiving my results. My student insurance covered me for the downtown NYC public clinic as opposed to the cushy, suburban clinic I visited growing up (where all the doctors played golf on the weekends and summered in Nantucket). Let’s just say I wasn’t used to US healthcare for the 99%.

The first indication that there was a problem came from a message left on my answering machine (how 90s!) . . . . “Mr. Mac-Daniel. Dis is da clinic callin.  We got ya’ll tess back. You need to be callin  us back,  at-cha eh-liest con-veen-yance. Thank ya now. Click.” Calling back was a nauseating exercise in futility. “Who dis callin’?” “Wach-ya name agin?” “Wha-cha need sir?” “Hol-on-a-minute . . . “. After 10 times on hold I trucked on down to the clinic. The aids test was fine, but my x-ray wasn’t. So I decided I better finagle an appointment at the cushy clinic where my parents lived. There the “more specialized” doctor told me I either had malignant lymphoma or sarcoidosis but it’s really hard to tell unless we biopsy some granular lymphonytes from the anterior cul de sac (or some such nonsense an MBA wouldn’t even understand). After some more horrific nail biting and paranoia it was clearly decided (by an even more specialized specialist) and explained that it was 99.3% certain I had sarcoidosis, and not to worry at this point, but wait and see if it goes away and check up on it in a year.

Well I checked up on it about 5 years later by which time I has a lump on my neck the size of a large marble that again brought about concerns of lymphoma. And this was when my mother was battling lung cancer so that didn’t really make it so easy for any of us. The result was that to battle the sarcoidosis (which I let linger way too long) I needed to go on a regime of very strong corticoid steroids, for which I promptly gained 50 pounds and never quite lost. Even worse, the sarcoidosis came out of remission and I had to go through another round (gaining another 50 pounds, topping me out at about 260, having seesawed from 185 to 235 back to 210 up to 260. Currently at 215, but that’s for another post). The condition is chronic and incurable but if managed is not very serious. Long term can be very serious, and if not managed can be deadly from complications such as pneumonia and other problems with organs, although that does not seem likely for my case.

I need to get tested regularly (which I usually don’t) and am now overdue. While this is probably my biggest health issue, others are also reoccurring, chronic, and I suspect interrelated somehow. The list:

o   sarcoidosis

o   thyroid nodules

o   obesity / overweight

o   gout

o   high blood pressure

o   problem with joints

o   warts

o   borderline OCD (anger, paranoia, freak outs, panic attacks, impulsivity)

o   Cavities (still!)

Note on Sarcoidosis: This is an increasingly common ‘rare’ disease, historically more prevalent in African Americans. Doctors really don’t understand it and there is no cure. It is an auto-immune disease, affecting organs and causing swelling. Typically the lungs are affected first but it can affect heart, liver, eyes and brain. Doctors suspect that is comes from airborne particles in the external environment – hence why lungs are affected first – but no one will tell you that because it’s not proven. Most people deal with it easily and it is not serious but some, including actor and comedian Bernie Mac, have died from it. ( http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5589149&page=1 )

Day 2

On impulse I decided to share my resolutions on facebook. Normally like to keep the cards close to the vest on such things but decided differently for 2 reasons, Firstly, to see the reaction (couldn’t resist), and secondly, I figured I could use a bit of spotlight to my advantage, extra pressure to motivate. It’s putting out there but have always needed to overcome the fear of failure. Recalling Teddy Roosevelt helps . . .

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat

In thinking through the plan I have to be realistic – do I really have enough time? Maybe time to think this one through . . .

Resolution	Detailed goal	Assumptions	Time
1.       Get healthy	Deal with gout, sarcoidosis, cavities, warts, thyroid, blood pressure, arms and knees	About 15 doctor’s appointments (?) – possibly rehab?	1 hr / wk
2.       Lose 10 kilos (22 pounds)	same	Exercise almost daily	7 hr / wk
3.       Start a new business	Open an s.r.o for real estate investments – field some business plans – have some talks	Probably 5 day’s worth of admin over 3 months?	1 hr / wk
4.       Learn to play guitar	Get 3 to 5 songs learned well	Practice religiously 20 minutes a day and one day a week for 1 hr or a lesson	3 hr / wk
5.       Spend more quality time with the boys	Board games, hiking, Lego, puzzles, movies (?), hols, laser tag , ,  ,	Nothing new – better use of time	0
6.       Take up photography	Buy a good camera and take on nature hikes	Nothing new – better use of time – wake up early on 3 or 4 mornings to something at least a little bit special	0
7.       Learn a foreign language	Big progress in Russian – basic? Intermediate?	3 hours a day – watch a lot of movies?	3 hr / day
8.       Play board games instead of video games	Self explanatory – hobbit, chess, backgammon, alumbra, K’s new game, ubonga	Nothing new – better use of time	0
9.       Write a novel	Hmmm – 2 ideas – this blog, and the themed novel – blog s 30 minutes a day		3,5 hr / wk
10.   Become a Lean Six Sigma Master Black-belt	Pass the test	Part of work	0
11.   Get my PhD	Get over the hump. Publish 1 + 1 articles, socialize the next steps w AC / CEU	Partly part of work	?
12.   Stay employed (could be tougher than usual if I do all these other things J)	Work hard and smart – look for new job ops and network	Is work itself – but also the extras	3 / hrs a week
Total per week			39,5
Total per day			~5.5

Activity	Hours per day	notes
sleep	8	7 plus read 1 hour
eat	2	30+30+1
work	8	standard
relax	1	Net, games, movies?
available	5
synergies	~ 1 hr.	Relax (watch Russian movies), sleep (30 min read), eat (practice Russian), other tasks

Day 1

Today is the day. The first day of the New Year (and the rest of my life blah, blah . . . ). Well I still can't give up new year’s resolutions. The human instinct to aspire I suppose. If there is a theme to this year's it probably goes something like this. When everything around you seems to be falling apart, it just might be the point where time and space becomes available to bring everything together.

The theme of last year was more along the lines of letting go – both in the positive and negative. Probably the biggest disappointment was struggling on the job through the crisis. And while the year was by all measures not a total disaster, the great momentum of the first three years in the new job has stalled alarmingly. In fact it was exactly this time last year that the killer deal we needed to ride out he crisis did not come through as expected. And honestly it hasn’t gotten any better.  In the final assessment, there are many things that were done and many that could have been done better, but just as many outside my control. Hence the letting go . . .

Other things let go good and bad. My weight – defiantly let go a few pounds (positive). My guitar lessons. After a strong start, just felt I had to let that go in the face of new travel demands (mixed). PhD . . . Well that was a battle I tried to fight but could not win just yet, and although some progress was made, too many things unfinished and dangling (negative). Learning languages – after passing French with a D- in collage, taking Spanish lessons the summer before my MBA , and taking lessons in Slovak, Russian, German, and Hungarian while working and living abroad I had long ago let go of any notion that I would be multilingual let alone bilingual (too depressing to even rate) – but now I am starting to question that wisdom in the face of living again in yet another country. This new adventure, headquartered in Kiev, Ukraine is met with some excitement, and more than a bit of foreboding, but mostly with the sense of tiredness of a weary road warrior possibly a year or two past his prime?

So can I turn it all around? Don’t know but I will give it my best shot. Here are my resolutions . . .

1.       Get healthy

2.       Lose 10 kilos (22 pounds)

3.       Start a new business

4.       Learn to play guitar

5.       Spend more quality time with the boys

6.       Take up photography

7.       Learn a foreign language

8.       Play board games instead of video games

9.       Write a novel

10.   Become a Lean Six Sigma Master Black-belt

11.   Get my PhD

12.   Stay employed (could be tougher than usual if I do all these other things J)